I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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