I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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