Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.