Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
