You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
