Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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