i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Who died my cat blue again?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
