Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.