He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
