Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape