I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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