your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm just crazy horny about you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
