ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
