Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
