i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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