Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
