His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
