I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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