I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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