Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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