I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
