how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
