And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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