I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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