Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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