WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
