You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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