All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize