Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
