i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
