Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
