You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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