Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
