Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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