we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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