I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
