what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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