I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
