just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
