I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
