I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
