I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
