His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
