I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
