we made out on top of his cat.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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