what day is it and did you see me today?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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