Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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