Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
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I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm having to shit out rocks
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