6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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