chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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