tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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