i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
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I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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