i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Actions speak louder than pants.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
