I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
