It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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