1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
