i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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