living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
