I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
someone owes me an orgasm
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
