please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize