at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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