i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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