Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
