those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
