we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
