Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
